Dear Lord,
I am guilty of calling upon your name
in my time of need more often than in my time of bliss, something in
which I am trying to work on with great intent. My relationship with
you has not always been the strongest, and I have not always been a
believer, so to speak. While I “believe” now, I am not quite sure
I believe in the traditional Catholic sense in which I was raised to
believe... I do, however, acknowledge quite humbly that there is
something out there, a deity of some sort, that is beyond me and
mortals in general; there has to be, I mean doesn't there? I don't
really question it anymore, to be entirely honest. When I stare at
vast landscapes or witness the many contradictions in which this
tumultuous, radical world of ours has to offer (think miracles and
kind treatment versus brutality), I am rather certain there is an
entity that holds unspeakable power and knowledge... I do at this
point in time believe there are things in which us mere mortals are
not meant to understand during this lifetime... anyhow, I am calling
upon you now. Please restore me back to health and vigor, a state of
bliss in which I have not been able to endure for several months now.
I still feel quite horrid from my last infection despite this new
“groundbreaking” medicine we have tricked my body into
accepting... I feel rather out of my league here. If it I not one
thing, it surely seems to be another like my infected arm, chronic
KTS pain or anxiety and depression... At times, the burden feels too
strong and I fear I wasn't meant to be a survivor, though in previous
times I always thought of myself as one. It's not just myself in
which I am asking for, but for my family and friends, too. I watch
them watch me and see the deep emotional suffering it causes them,
and I am powerless to stop it...
There is so much in which I want to do,
so many people in which I want to help, and I cannot fulfill these
duties from my bed... Please return me to health so I can not only
resume my own daily schedule, but help others in a way in which I
know I was always meant to. I was put here to help, and I am of no
use to anybody while unable to help myself. Please grant me the gift
of good health once again, and let the your sun's rays illuminate my
fatigued soul once again. This is my public plea of sincerity... but
not only for myself. There is so much suffering amongst others out
there; how horrid would I be not to mention that of my KT brothers
and sisters, at the very least? Some of them have suffered in the
same manner, if not much worse... may you grant them the gift of
restored health and a happy state of mind... The suffering in which
this disease is causing me and my colleagues is so rampant at this
point in time, please, whoever and wherever you are, grant us a
break, and let us begin to heal as a community so we can help
others...
Signed,
Desperate
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