Sometimes I get saddened by my own
condition; it's not my intention to throw a pity fest, but
internalizing your feelings too much can have negative effects on
one's emotional being. Want to hear a secret (or non-secret depending
upon how well you know me)? I don't consider myself deeply religious,
or religious, by any means whatsoever. However, I do sometimes like
to imagine there is a heaven in which I am running around in a large
open beautiful space, and all of my physical and emotional pain is no
longer existent. It makes me upset to type such as I've never had
this. I've had great fortune in life and countless blessings, but
I've never genuinely had this. To some extent, I've always had
physical pain. Now, with the emotional pain in recent years, it makes
me feel as though I am fighting two separate wars and each present
daily challenges. That's life, though; you wake up each day and try
your best each and every single day. Even if you failed, you tried your hardest and that is all in which you can do in life I suppose. You force yourself to get out of bed and shower and take a
trip to somewhere like CVS to get a medication and call that progress. Mind you, for some
that's just a menial errand, but for me, some-days that qualifies as
progress.
I just like to imagine a day where I am
free from pain, and I've heard others say that heaven wipes away all
pain and restores us to our most vibrant, healthy selves. I pray this
is true. Not just for me, but for all of us. We all have our own
problems with pain, whether they be physical or emotional. Life can
be so utterly cruel, we all deserve to be alleviated with the baggage
that followed us through life.
I can never think about this particular
topic, however, without thinking of Michael Politzer. If such a place
exists, which I truly hope and want to believe it does, I know he is
living his life in a way he could not here on earth. I like to
imagine him running in a park somewhere, smiling and laughing. I miss
hearing his voice. If there is any justice in this world, he is
carefree of all the pain that burdened him while here on earth. - A
