Where Have I Been, Anyway?

Well, I will (attempt to) summarize:

About 26 days or so ago, I was rushed to Children's Hospital Boston with a surmised Cellulitis infection on my foot. I stayed inpatient until my surgery five days later while receiving Vancomycin through the IV. The initial surgery I had was a debulking of my ankle done by the (in my eyes) infalliable Dr. Spencer on the Vascular Anomalies Team at Children's Hospital Boston. She's an absolute rockstar, let me just begin by saying that much (my version of one, anyway). Then, a week later, I underwent Bleomycin injections in my private region with Dr. Alomari. I do not quite think I  need to say much about him in this post, as I think readers already know how superb I think he is as both an intellect and human-being alike (based upon previous posts). It's time for me to gush about Dr. Spencer, now. ( = A week after that operation, I endured a 3rd surgery within 3 weeks, this time under the scalpel of Dr. Spencer and her incredible team. There was a slight issue with 1 of the 2 drains getting stuck, and we needed to go back in and get it the heck out as it posed a very ominous threat to my health.

So, yes, I just underwent 3 surgeries within 3 weeks time along with a cellulitis infection (and some more standard medical complications in a mere matter of 3 weeks). It's been a journey, a ride, and I am absolutely inundated with copious amounts of EXHAUSTION. I arrived home not even two nights ago by ambulance.

But, how is that damn foot of mine we debulked, anyway? Well, it's phenomenal. Truly, it is. And I attribute that mainly to Dr. Spencer and her kick-ass self. You know what I love about her? The way in which she not only works wonders with her scalpel, but the way in which she was so incredibly dedicated to her craft even after the surgery. So we are about to get four feet of snow in a couple of hours and she has to be in work in Weymouth... & She STILL wakes up at 4am to come and look at the wound and just chat in general with me at my bedside. And this, may I add, was not an infrequent experience... she was consistent in showing up, being there, and nourishing my mind with positive thoughts and seeds of knowledge and inspiration. She would phone in if she couldn't be there in person. Her life perspective, her work ethic, her work skills, all an A+, undoubtedly. 

Below is a picture of me with undoubtedly one of the most inspirational woman I have met thus far on my journey's while inhabiting this Earth: Dr. Spencer! She was so incredibly kind when I asked for a picture. This was taken just prior to the debulking (1st surgery together). 

I have so much more in which I will update you all with soon, including loads of pictures from my 23 day inpatient stay at BCH and stories/opinions galore. I apologize if the writing of this particular article was sub-par, truly I am. At this point in time, I am just incredibly fatigued but the foot itself looks and feels ten times better than I ever could have imagined at this point in time. 

Lots of love and may you all be staying warm! - Arianna Helena

Upcoming Debulking Surgery with Dr. Spencer

"Sooo...this is the moment where I could look back on my life and say this is where it all went downhill, the great demise began..." I asked, my gaze meeting hers. "Yes." She said.

DEEP. FUCKING. BREATHE, ARI, DEEP. BREATHE.

"Okay, papers please."

"You are absolutely sure?

"Okay, i'm ready to sign."

I signed because despite all the complications she described, it was that or stay at the state I am at now that will only worsen and will lead to no mobility and being dependent on pain meds. So whatever happens from here, I am choosing my best shot at a FUNCTIONING life. For me that does not entail hopping from bed to couch and hallway to bed... that is no way to live for me. I am going to be an OCD specialist, and the best damn one in my field someday, just you wait and see ( : and if not, I died trying to obtain something I loved and believed in to the core. And, I may even get to look fabulous in a pair of heels (sp?) doing it ; ) I would be lying if I said I was not riddled with anxiety over the procedure, however.

Dr. Spencer will be doing a debulking surgery on my ankle and foot on January 26th.

Below are just a few pictures from my hospitalization late December that I promised to post a few posts back. I was hospitalized for Cellulitis in my buttock/thigh region. Sending you all so much love! - Arianna

Carry On

Hospital flashbacks are nothing new to me; in fact, I have consistently had them since the tender age of 7 (I am now on the verge of turning 23). These horrific glances of the past are a part of my PSTD in which I have had for years now due to medical trauma I've endured since the beginning of my life. Sometimes, it's a mere smell that takes me back to that certain time in the emergency room. Other times, it may simply be a shirt's colored hue that reminds me of the one in which I was wearing when I had become ill yet again. Moving on from the past can be so incredibly hard, especially when what has happened in the past is likely to occur again within the future.

However, I think with chronic conditions like these it is important to shovel on through each day despite an impending sense of doom or you'll never experience the sweeter, more blissful side of life. There is indeed one, that much I continue to believe. With depression and PSTD, it is so much easier to remember the bad as it never seems to be far from one's stream of consciousness. However, you have to fight hard to remember the good. It doesn't really seem quite fair, does it? Why do the bad thoughts and flashbacks come so frequently without any merit, as opposed to the good ones that need to be dug up from the bottom of your brain to even be remembered at all? All I know is that pushing to remember the good times is worth it .

Right now, I sit in a chilly room with half a foot of snow outside my door. Today, we're supposed to get another foot of snow and I likely will not be leaving this room anytime soon. Today was also the date in which I had my appointment in regards to me possibly debulking my ankle with Dr. Fishman, Alomari and Spencer. Now that one doctor has had to understandably so cancel (Spencer, due to the storm), it would be rather pointless to attend as each play a vital role in this potential procedure. Without input from one, I am unable to move forward in making this decision. So, for now, I am back to waiting in regards to what my future holds in regards to the debulking surgery. In the meantime, I have not felt that well in spite of me taking oral antibiotics daily. Yesterday, I came home from my Nana's to find a new angry red spot on my leg, although it has lessened greatly in pigmentation today. However, I still feel so week and down-trodden from my last hospitalization. I know that despite the new calendar year, my anatomy is the same and I will experience frequent hospitalizations at some point in the future. Whenever I remember the numbing pain that accompanies me during infections or following a surgery, I cannot help but shudder due to fear.

 But you know what else I remember? I remember the turquoise colored water and sense of tranquility that fell upon me that day as I lay peacefully upon my raft in that Caribbean water. I remember feeling like one with the ocean, and feeling as though the world was my friend as the sun beamed down upon my 18-year-old sun-kissed skin. It was the ultimate feeling of bliss. Had I not pushed through all of the medical trauma and depression, I would have never gotten to experience that feeling of euphoria. I guess my point is this: push through the hard times in order to get to the good. I am sure that many medical obstacles are to come my way in 2014, but I am determined to fight through them in order to experience the gentler side of life. It's like the old saying: If you want the sunshine, you have to put up with the rain.

 Happy New Year everyone, and may this year provide you with the strength and courage you need in order to battle your own obstacles, whatever they may be. Believe in yourself, and never forget that you are indeed a warrior who is capable of more than you may even know.

 Lots of love, Arianna

Continued Antibiotics, etc.

Hey everyone! I know I have not written in a bit, much to my deepest regret. Access to a fully functioning computer still proves to be challenging at this point, but I will have a new one by Christmas!

I have been out of the hospital since the end of September now and it has been such a delightful treat. Just earlier today, I spoke with one of the VAC nurses Erin in regards to my antibiotic situation. Initially, upon coming home, I was taking 2000 mg of cephalexin daily (twice a day). We then lowered it to 1000 mg of cephalexin daily and I was due to finish it today. However, due to my unchallenged success on these oral dosages, my doctors have made the decision to keep me on it for another two months as a prophylactic. I was quite pleased with this decision as I have my sister's wedding towards the end of December. The medicine does make me feel slightly sick, but probiotics can help counter this.

As far as debulking my ankle is concerned, I am planning to move forward with this procedure. However, nothing will be finalized until I meet with Dr. Spencer, Dr. Alomari, and Dr. Fishman on January 3^rd. 

I am still dealing with a great deal of anxiety and depression, however am working very hard to make it through each day and to be at least somewhat productive. The hardest part of being out of the hospital is readjusting to at home life while trying to maintain my health and reestablish normal daily habits.

Hope to update soon!

- Arianna

Flashback pictures from one of my debulking surgeries. How far I have come! : ) Much love to every nurse, doctor, friend, patient and family who have gotten me through the years. - A