Fitting In

This is a relatively interesting time in my life in regards to the social aspect. I feel like I lost my teenaged years to this illness, and that I didn't really get to experience life in terms of a “normal teenager.” I have come to find that I greatly resent that, although my teenaged-years did make me a stronger person overall. I wouldn't necessarily want to give that up, but I cannot help but feel as though I missed out in some major way. It's especially hard seeing your younger sister live out the high school years that you yourself thought would have – but didn't. I got pieces of high school social life here and there, but in its entirety nothing that compares to other people.

Even now, it's hard for me to go out with mental health issues and my KTS. Still, I have been trying to make more of an effort, and for the most part when I do go out, I am happy. Before the chronic pain, infections, and clots, I was undeniably a social person. However, as the years went on, I became somewhat of an introvert.

Like I said the paragraph before, when I do go out, I am mostly happy. This isn't always the case though, and usually my happiness is accompanied by a feeling of not really belonging. I sometimes feel too adult for the shenanigans SOME other people my age engage in. Yet, I'm not quite ready to live my life as a 40-year-old woman, so to speak.

It's an extremely weird place to be in, and I think perhaps someday I'll have things figured out. Still, I want your thoughts on this! Can you relate at all? How did you cope? Any comments would be greatly appreciated. - A