For someone who used to shower upwards of 3 to 4
times a day (prior to my diagnosis and treatment for OCD), it was rather odd to find myself going days at a time
without showering. In fact, aside from the undeniably noticeable changes in hygiene, I was sleeping more than ever before, too. I would awake for
a few hours at a time, and then instantaneously fall back asleep as
though I had been tuckered out from a full days work... Perhaps the
most asinine part, though, was that I lost my volition to live.
Suicidal thoughts ran rampant throughout my mind, and I did some
risky things, fully aware of the negative consequences in which my
actions could lead to. It's easy to look at pictures of me smiling
with friends or family and think, wow, that girl seems really
well-adjusted especially despite the medical chaos she has endured. That same smile, perhaps my own best manipulative friend (or enemy,
rather), was the same one that allowed me to conceal my inner
distress for quite some time before my mental collapse at 18.
There are a multitude of recent
happenings that the vast majority of my Facebook friends don't quite know
about, for these are typically not things one would advertise on a
social networking platform. However, I have always made honesty
(along with transparency) one of my top priorities in terms of this
blog, and can say with the utmost sincerity that I have not strayed
from that, nor do I have any intention of doing so in the future.
With that in mind, it is time to share my experience as to why I have
chosen to stop taking Sirolimus (for now, at least) in spite of the
past two non-chaotic and most stable months (medically speaking, which is a rather long duration of time for me). At this point in time, I have been off
the Sirolimus for approximately a weeks time. I was on it for approximately
3 months up until then. I could quite honestly write pages in regards
to this current topic, so I am going to split up my writing in
sections. This is the first post in regards to stopping the Sirolimus
but it will undoubtedly not be the last. If interested in why I
decided to stop this medicine (with the support of Dr. Trenor, after
sending a letter to him explaining my reasoning), check back for I
will have a lot in which to share with you guys.
Love, prayers, and blessings,
Arianna
No comments:
Post a Comment