“Walking through the city street, is
it by mistake of design, I feel so alone on a Friday night can you
make it feel like home if I tell you your mine, It's like I told you
Hunny”
I hate the feeling of a flare-up, it
drives me incredibly wild to be absolutely honest! Perhaps the
essence of the problem is that one cannot always be sure it is merely
a flare-up in that moment. One day about a week ago, I awoke with a
cellulitic red spot located somewhere between my foot and ankle. It
did not look bewildering by any means, but certainly suspicious. The
other evening, I had to awaken my mom in the midst of her slumber to
dip into my emergency stash of oxycodone as the pain was radiating
throughout the new red spot and the entirety of my lower leg. This
pain was barbarous; it would not allow me to sleep and was certainly
an anomaly as far as my everyday painful sensations are concerned. It
could have been inflamed veins, although I will likely never know the
real source with such an inconspicuous condition (unless I had chosen
to venture to the emergency room). Fortunately for me, no further
symptoms accompanied this area such as temperatures or chills and
what not. So, the pain medicine eventually kicked in and the next day
the area in its entirety felt much better (a heating pad accompanied the medicine and did great justice as well, I believe). However, the spot still
remains although I am still very much so stable in vitals and other
telling symptoms.
I am continuing on my IC Cephalexin 500
MG capsules twice per day and I truly feel they are doing the heavy
lifting in maintaining my health. I will be on them for at least
three more weeks or so. While they can be rather upsetting to the
stomach, it is far worth the residual side effects to be home and in
a state of “normalcy.” Discovering normalcy, however, is still a
startling challenge living with a chronic condition that causes me so
much relentless chronic pain. The infections are gone (at least for
now) and I do not mean to belittle that greatness by any means.
However, the lower leg pain is so incredibly persistent and vicious
in nature that at days I am very much so overly-sensitive and on
edge; to say I am emotionally well-adjusted at present would be
somewhat of a lie. However, I am doing my best to maintain honest,
healthy friendships and venture out every now and then despite the
pain. Sometimes, I find myself lashing out at those around me and being incredibly irritable; this is by no means the way in which I like to conduct myself. I feel guilty quite often about this, and try to communicate my remorse to those in which I may have unintentionally hurt. However, I cannot use my pain as an excuse to treat people poorly or I will be doing so for the rest of my life! By no means do I want my legacy to be that of a moody Mindy or bitter Betty.
Friends urge me to be optimistic about future breakthroughs in
the medical world, but I have great trouble doing so. I understand
where they are coming from, but they simply cannot understand my
point of view unless they are the ones in pain 24/7. It eats at one's
nerves, and chronic pain has been scientifically proven to mess with
the brain's chemistry. Perhaps, then, it is no wonder I often find
myself anxious and depressed despite being under the care of a talk
therapist and doctor. However, I am greatly anticipating my
appointment on January 3rd to meet with my doctors to
address issues of what we can make better with my Klippel.
Below is a picture of me with my
sisters on Thanksgiving. It was a truly lovely day as I got to
celebrate with the people who have been there for me through the
worst of times; at my ugliest, sickest, and meanest. Yet, I know they
are not going anywhere and I know I am indeed very blessed to
blanketed in such unconditional love. May you all be well. - A
