She sat fiddling with her pen as her
eyes were glued to me. She seemed to be fixated upon my every word,
as though each syllable of mine uttered was a drip of morphine being
implanted into her system. “You are a classic mood disorder,”
she said. “I don't know why it has taken for now for someone to
pick up on this. You are bipolar.” It felt like a heavy diagnosis,
and that's because it was. Even if one pushes aside the social stigma
that accompanies such mental illnesses, there is still well, the
illness itself to grapple with. Life long mood swings and a slew of
depleting symptoms. Symptoms, of course, could be mostly managed with
proper treatment, but there were still a multitude of uncertainties.
It's complex and not at all concrete. For me to go into detail would
be my 25 page paper from last college semester all over again.
“We're going to start you on
lithium,” she said. And what about the anxiety? “Most people with
bipolar disorder have other mental illnesses as well, like OCD. That
doesn't surprise me. What surprises me is no one has picked this up
until now, the bipolar.” Teary-eyed, I listened to her, trusting
her expertise. “You know,” she said, “my granddaughters name is
going to be Arianna, too. You fascinate me. You are very interesting.
I look forward to working together. You fascinate me."
- A
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