Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Where can YOU find me NOW?

Hi everyone! While it may seem as though I have been neglecting on updating (which I have on this particular blog), I have actually created a public Facebook page in which I document my journey with KTS. As much as I love blogging, I wanted to try something new after writing on this kind of platform for several years. Please feel free to like my Facebook page and continue to keep up with my Klippel journey by clicking HERE!

Lots of love,

Monday, March 2, 2015

Some Debulking Pictures

Hey all! Here are some debulking pictures from a few weeks back. I had my ankle debulked by the amazing Dr. Spencer at Boston Children's Hospital. The first 2 pictures were taken by her during the procedure itself.

What 50,00 Views Means to Me

50,000 views may be such a miniscule amount for the vast majority of the world in terms of viewing number or readership, but for me it is somewhat of a milestone. Why? Probably at somewhere around the 25-35 thousand view mark I was taking my life into my own hands by making some poor decisions happening behind the closed door of my bedroom.

Alcohol and pain medicine, anyone? For me, it was probably what was for dinner at least half a dozen times in conjunction to mixing the perilous cocktail with xanex a slew of nights. Other nights it was merely Xanex and alcohol. I was heading down such a self-destructive path. It was absolute chaos that ensued following a lifelong stint of trying to kick this little-known disorder in the butt (no pun intended). I hated myself for the mere fact that I existed. That's my ugly truth, and I have hesitated to say it on a public media forum for some time now. But while the sentence, “I hated myself for the mere fact that I existed” may be simple, the aggravating components beneath the self-loathing statement were anything but.

It made no sense to me really for I fought for so many years to live, and not just to live, but to live a life with vigour and adventure...My mind was so inundated with depression and many of its closest friends (hello, OCD) that getting up and getting dressed on my healthiest of days became such a gargantuan burden. It was an utterly hard time for me and my head was absolutely spinning. In taking those drugs in the manner I did, I was crying for help, I just didn't realize it at that particular point in time. I was struggling with growing up and accepting my reality and what had happened to me, and at the end of the tunnel I could only see ominous colors; why fight to live if the rest of my life may resemble the horrors of the past? At that point in time, I was a passenger on a never-ending merry-go-round ride that consisted of Sepsis, surgeries, and hospital stints all relating to Klippel. Then, in the midst of all that, I was struggling to fight through a different battle: major depressive disorder and anxiety gone rampant. Between fighting all of these negative elements, I became absolutely exhausted. I had the best Klippel Dr.s and a great mental health team but still felt enslaved to these conditions each moment of every single day. As one of my Dr.s who did Graduate work at the famed University of Cincinatti said, “mental illness does not always accompany a physical chronic illness.” For me, the two were blending together and creating a vast image of disillusionment that solely consisted of hopelessness for the future.

However, I came clean about my usage after another month long hospital stint for being Septic this past June. Now, at 50,000 views, I am struggling to recover from my latest debulking surgery. And although I am still grappling with the throws of Klippel, I have evolved into a better person than when I initially started this blog. I have come to accept myself more, and am learning that I do indeed deserve nice things to happen to me. I am learning that I do deserve love and acceptance and people who treat me nicely in my life. It has taken me a long time to get to this point of learning to accept myself, and I am not fully there just yet. However, I cannot wait to see where life takes me within the next 50,000 views!

Thank you for all of the love and support in which you all have shown me. I am having a particularly tough time recovering from this debulking surgery, but I have a support team that cannot be rivaled.

Lots of love,