If there's any justice...

Sometimes I get saddened by my own condition; it's not my intention to throw a pity fest, but internalizing your feelings too much can have negative effects on one's emotional being. Want to hear a secret (or non-secret depending upon how well you know me)? I don't consider myself deeply religious, or religious, by any means whatsoever. However, I do sometimes like to imagine there is a heaven in which I am running around in a large open beautiful space, and all of my physical and emotional pain is no longer existent. It makes me upset to type such as I've never had this. I've had great fortune in life and countless blessings, but I've never genuinely had this. To some extent, I've always had physical pain. Now, with the emotional pain in recent years, it makes me feel as though I am fighting two separate wars and each present daily challenges. That's life, though; you wake up each day and try your best each and every single day. Even if you failed, you tried your hardest and that is all in which you can do in life I suppose. You force yourself to get out of bed and shower and take a trip to somewhere like CVS to get a medication and call that progress. Mind you, for some that's just a menial errand, but for me, some-days that qualifies as progress.

I just like to imagine a day where I am free from pain, and I've heard others say that heaven wipes away all pain and restores us to our most vibrant, healthy selves. I pray this is true. Not just for me, but for all of us. We all have our own problems with pain, whether they be physical or emotional. Life can be so utterly cruel, we all deserve to be alleviated with the baggage that followed us through life.

I can never think about this particular topic, however, without thinking of Michael Politzer. If such a place exists, which I truly hope and want to believe it does, I know he is living his life in a way he could not here on earth. I like to imagine him running in a park somewhere, smiling and laughing. I miss hearing his voice. If there is any justice in this world, he is carefree of all the pain that burdened him while here on earth. - A