Online Dating with KTS

So I admit, I dabbled lightly into the world of online dating; it was about three months or so that I initiated a free account. I think it was the day after I had got home after one of my hospitalizations that I created it – I was home feeling bored and lonely, aside from being sick from my KTS. It was as though I was living life in a fishbowl – I was watching everyone outside going about their lives, while I remained stranded in my own little habitat. Friends of mine were going on dates, and it made me jealous. The problem with dating for me, however, is how little of energy I often have. Usually, a school day is enough to wipe me out – my body has a very hard time juggling my academic and personal life as it is, and that's with just friends. Yet, there is a part of me that yearns to be in a relationship – even though I may not be ready for it emotionally. Still, the day I created my account, I was bursting with optimism.

“So, why not just join a site and see what happens? See who comes to me, and maybe if we form a relationship based on conversations, see where it goes from there? What's the worst that could happen?”

Not long after I created my account I decided to mention my Klippel-Trenaunay Syndrome; it impacts my daily life, and is a vital part of who I am. It is not me, but it is surely a part of me. I did not include any pictures of my leg, but figured they could Google the condition and get an idea of it. I did, however, explain how it impacted me medically and on an everyday basis. That didn't stop the requests from rolling in, much to my delight. It felt good to be wanted, even if it was from 800 weirdos scattered across the Boston area (not to say all are weirdos, I did meet some very nice people!).

Among the many, I found a few who I seemingly clicked with. The conversation would transfer from the dating site to my phone, and it felt good to be somewhat in the game, even if I was still very much so a pathetic rookie. Eventually, as the conversations grew more detailed about our personal lives, I would send guys a picture of me and my leg exposed. Since then, each one had lost interest. I told them that it's okay because I am confident in myself and understand that not everyone is equipped to deal with such a thing. Inside, however, it does hurt. I mean, I'd be lying if I said it didn't. Just yesterday, a guy I had been talking to for a while that I really liked finally saw a picture of my leg. Prior to this, we were texting often, and had gotten to known a fair amount about each other. Yesterday, he mentioned something about me in a bikini. Well, I said back, I may not look as sexy in a bikini as you may be thinking, you did read my profile right? He said yes, and then said “so what, you have a couple of scars or something?” Um yeah, buddy, let's call them that why don't we. I then proceed to send him the picture – and about an hour later, he tells me I still look beautiful. I thank him, but I know that this is the end, and it was. The pessimism soaks in, but I try to shove it aside and get on with my schoolwork. Even though I consider myself a confident person KTS wise, it just reminded me that I am still vulnerable, too. It hurts when people reject you - especially over something that has already caused you such a tremendous amount of pain in life thus far.

Any of you Kter's have experience with online dating? Have you had better luck than me? - A