Knowing When to Lay Low or Push Harder

You know what I have a great deal of trouble in-deciphering between, sometimes? Putting my health first and just being plain, well, lazy (or what I perceive to be lazy).

For the past several years, the concept has been grilled into my head, numerous times repeatedly: always put your health first, the rest will wait. & I always had a hard time accepting that - and put school/other obligations first. However, overtime, I've learned that my health does indeed need to come first at times.

That's easy to do when I am in the hospital; pretty much everything else falls to the wayside. However, when I am at home as I am most of the time, the line between putting my health first and being laggard can become quite blurred.

Further complicating matters is the fact that I deal with mental illness in addition to my Klippel-Trenaunay Syndrome. However, I know that I am not exclusive in this battle. Often a time, chronic illness is at one point or another accommodated by mental health issues like depression and anxiety (which is probably not news to most people in-tune with chronic illness awareness).

I haven't been sleeping very well; this is an issue that currently relates to my mental health issues. For weeks now, I've been waking up in the morning feeling mentally and physically exhausted. My Klippel-Trenaunay Syndrome ends up suffering too, because throughout the night I am tossing and turning relentlessly. So, by the time I wake up, I am also in a lot of pain from my KTS.

One day last week, I said I couldn't do it, I couldn't go to school that day. Between the lack of sleep, mental exhaustion, and leg pain, I felt defeated and lifeless. But, as I was sitting there saying I couldn't do it, there were thoughts that popped into my head: “push harder, you can do this; life is going to give you hard days and hard times but you cannot just succumb to your struggles. Everyone in life is dealing with struggles, and they still get up and do it, you should too.”

These are the conflicting thoughts that run rampant in my mind on mornings like those. Ultimately, I stayed home that day and it was the right decision in that moment. What about the rest of the time, though?

How do the rest of you cope with knowing when to push yourself and when to just take a step back for some time?

Is this something you struggle with like myself or have you found a balance that pleases you? - A