I love being a college student, I really do. It gives me an incredible sense of normalcy that I would otherwise lack in my daily life. However, on nights like tonight, I wouldn't mind having summer back for a short period of time.

I am in work overload, and while I freakishly enjoy doing my academics on some nights, I am not feeling quite so stellar about them right now. What does any of this have to do with my KTS?

Well, a little over a month ago I went and had my iron levels checked; I have been bleeding a lot, but have not wanted to go for the surgery that temporarily stops it (my last one was a while ago). Prior to getting checked, I was exhausted all of the time and slept more than I ever had before. It was as though some dreary spell had been cast upon me.

Anyways, my iron levels had dropped a lot since the last time I had been checked (June, when I was hospitalized last). My doctor said that this could explain the tiredness I had been feeling. So, he put me on some daily iron supplements to help bring the levels back up. I am going to have them checked again in about a month, to see how the supplements are working. If my level is working its way back up, I can hold off the surgery for longer.

Even though I do feel less tired, I am still more dreary and get exhausted really easy. Overall, my body feels week, and my immune system could use some more help from my diet. My body is telling me to sleep, but my schedule says otherwise, and in order to be successful, I have no choice but to try and abide by it the best I can. So I study, and then study some more, classes, club meetings, etc. Then the weekend comes, and guess how I spend my Friday night? Sleeping. I love it! Waking up the next day and feeling refreshed and well-rested is the best.

I do count myself as really lucky though. As tired as I may be, I am otherwise pretty healthy; unfortunately, not everyone shares my luck. A dear friend of mine is back in the hospital after just being released a couple of days ago. When I do feel overwhelmed, I think of her and how much she would love the freedom to go to school and live the “normal” life that I am for the most part living. It's a reminder to myself to not take my own hectic days for granted.

& then, I carry on.

A couple of days ago, I woke up with a cellulitis infection, albeit a very tame one. By tame, I mean there were no systematic symptoms and very little pain. The redness, however, was undeniably that of a typical cellulitis infection for me.

I am sure the pain and systematic symptoms would have followed soon thereafter had my mom not called a doctor of mine right away; he prescribed me Avelox 400 MG per day (typical dosage in situations akin to these). I got the medicine in me shortly after and was able to continue my day as usual, which included school.

The two pictures below were taken at different times.

The first is when I woke up in the morning, and the second is shortly after I got home several hours later in the day.

The lighting in these are inconsistent (and one was taken with a cellphone) but it progressed from a purplish-red to that of a pinker-red.

& As for right now? I'm doing great.

This is a picture I took of a portion of my lower KTS leg. These legions are certainly treatable through simple procedures. I usually have mine tended to every couple of years of so but I am approaching the three year mark I believe. When they grow back, they can actually cause some tenderness; any material rubbed up against them can provide discomfort (especially the support stocking). They are also prone to bleeding, which can provide a source for infection so it is of the utmost importance to care for the area as gently as possible while maintaining impeccable hygiene. 

My amazing friend Sinead & I meeting for the first time ever in person at the KTS Conference in Minnesota! Even though I was meeting her for the first time in person, I felt like we had already been best friends for years. 

She is in the hospital right now and I wish so badly I could go to Canada and visit her and help keep her company. I can say with absolute certainty that she is one of the strongest, if not THE strongest, person I know. 

Is it Minnesota 2014 yet?

For me, the most troubling thing about anxious thoughts are that you can know they are completely irrational, yet they can still plague your mind as though they are an authentic threat. You carry these irrational fears around with you all day and everyday, in spite of knowing they most likely aren't going to happen. But, it's that 1% chance that maybe it could that keeps your mind glued to that seemingly endless stream of anxious thoughts. It's that 1% chance that keeps you going, and from there it can feel as though your mind is spiraling out of control.

While there are ample amounts of techniques to try in regards to quelling anxiety, I am going to just write about one in which has helped me; I first read about it online almost a few years ago and then further into my treatment heard about it more.

An anxious thought pops into your mind.
Your initial response may be to get upset that it is there in the first place. 

"Why won't these pesky thoughts just go away? I hate this, I'm never going to get rid of these and I will be plagued with them for the rest of my life!"

First off, the more you try and force them to go away, the more they won't. The energy you put into trying to quell their existence actually equates to the fuel that keeps them prolonged within your mind. So what can you do?

Accept that the thought/worry is there when it enters your mind. Tell yourself that it's okay that it's there, that you are actually welcoming that anxious thought and any that follow; you won't try to force it away, it is welcome to stay as long as it likes. By doing this, the thought eventually becomes less threatening; it loses some of its power.

Now you are beginning to regain control back.
It can feel so impossible and tiring when you feel as though you are constantly fighting against your own mind, as though it wants you to lose. But, there are cognitive techniques that can make life with those anxious thoughts a lot more bearable. 

This particular technique is not something you can do for a day and then quit, expecting that you will be all better. If you chronically suffer from anxiety in this way, it is something you will have to practice and work on for the entirety of your life. Some days you will get off track and the fears will get the best of you. It's okay. Regroup and then start all over again with accepting the thoughts, and inviting them to stay. We are all prone to a bad day from time to time, but the key is to not give up. Persistence is your best friend when it comes to anxiety and cognitive techniques.

For those of you who have chronic anxiety, I would seriously love to hear what cognitive tips have helped you in managing it. Please feel free to share ( :

I am in my second week of being back at school this semester and my mind has not been this stimulated in a while; not to mention, things are for the most part going fantastically with my KTS. 
When I think of where I was five years ago to now, I feel extremely blessed. During that period of time, I wasn't sure if my life was going to be like that forever, if I would spend every couple of weeks with infections; if the people I would consider my friends would be nurses who had me as a patient several times.

I feel so utterly privileged to be where I am at right now, I'm privy to so much wisdom and great learning. When it comes to new people and "normal" kids around my age, I tend to get very anxious socially and isolate myself. However, the good thing about school is that it forces me to have to interact with other students my age, whether it's group projects or talking after class. In situations like these, I find exposure therapy works the best for me.

I basically just want to say that for anyone going through a particularly hard time with their KTS right now, remain hopeful and optimistic. Things do have the ability to change and get better, and you'll be surprised where life can take you in regards to your health.  

This semester, I am taking a class which focuses solely on sex differences (in a psychological manner). As I have begun to do some work introductory work for the class, I was reminded by some KTS experiences (whether my own or ones others have shared with me).

While the gap of equality has immensely decreased between genders over the past several years, I think pretty much everyone can agree that there is still much work to be done. Stereotypes of typical gender roles have plagued society for a long time; these ideas are often implanted into our minds subconsciously from a tender age.

Women are thought to be the emotional ones; it is thought that we are more vulnerable and prone to feeling emotions.

Men, on the other hand, are thought to be the strong ones, the protectors so to speak. Society has dictated that a man showing emotions like a woman does is too feminine in manner, and for that the man will receive scrutiny for not acting “manly” enough.

Since I have been involved in the KTS community for a few years now, I have had the chance to speak with a vast array of patients; people of all ages, female and male. I have had a lot of male patients admit to me that they have had trouble expressing emotions in regards to their KTS and how it made them feel; a lot of them were scared to, like they almost felt ashamed. They felt as though they had to live up to a stereotype in which they were resistant to anything; they weren't supposed to be vulnerable like women, that would make them less manly in the eyes of society. In result, some kept their emotions to themselves for long periods of time, causing an inner turmoil that manifested itself in different ways (think anger, depression).

Women, on the other hand, tend to be a lot more open in regards to their emotional experiences with KTS and are generally more open to discussing it with others. Society tells us that it's okay, that we are supposed to be the more vulnerable ones, the ones more prone to feeling, the more sensitive ones so to speak.

As we proceed into more modern times, I am afraid that this notion of what a man should be/act will continue to negatively impact not just males in general, but males with chronic illnesses. There needs to be more public emotional support provided to men to let them know that it is indeed okay to feel, after all it's basic human instinct. Fact of the matter is, we wouldn't be human if we didn't feel.

It has also been proven in scientific studies that regardless of gender, crying helps release stress hormones, and that one can actually feel better following a cry.

Nobody, despite their gender, should be made ashamed of feeling emotions in regards to their condition; sometimes, it is just absolutely best to look past society and realize that it can do more turmoil than good.

(I had to get this off my chest before I go to bed; I've been up all night doing homework and in spite or how exhausted I currently feel, writing this was totally worth it).

As I've gotten older, I have begun to realize the impact in which a chronically ill family member can have on the other family members/family as a whole.

I re-watched an old Disney channel movie today entitled “Tru Confessions" today and wanted to share the link. Unfortunately, the network rarely (if ever) airs this anymore. However, I found the entire movie on YouTube and will post the link below.

The movie does not relate to KTS specifically, of course, but I found it to have some important universal lessons in which everyone can benefit from.

Eddie: [crying] It's not fair. 

Tru: What's not fair, Eddie? 

Eddie: I wanna be done being different. 

Tru: Everybody's different, Eddie. Not just you. 

Eddie: I'm REAL different! I wanna be the same as everybody else. 

Tru: But... if you were just the same as everybody else, you wouldn't get all that special help in school... and you wouldn't be allowed to rollerblade in the house, and... and you wouldn't be the... amazing... brother... that I love. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfAUo5Kexz4